Boys Stink, Literally
by can't think
Summary: Heather doesn't like any of the boys on Total Drama not just because they are losers but because they smell bad as well. Then one day she realizes one doesn't smell so bad after all. Heather/Noah. Man, this is a silly fic. ONE SHOT!


**This is just weird and silly, lol. Should I explain how I even came up with it? I don't know, I was just thinking about how Heather would be picky and not want a boyfriend who was gross or stinky, lol. I thought about all the boys on Total Drama and realized most of them probably stink. Some of them, maybe not so much, but I managed to come up with a stench for all of them. Except one…you can probably guess who.**

**Coupling: Heather/Noah.**

**I don't know if this is cracky or just silly. Noah is in character I think. Heather may or may not be. She acts a little silly and coo-coo at the end.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own this show**

**Another disclaimer: Okay, so I know not ALL boys stink but in general, guess what boys and men, sometimes you just stink. Sorry...actually you should apologize to my poor nose. Apologies to any offended non-stinkers.**

**Okay, story time!!!**

**

* * *

**

Heather had a very strong yet sensitive sense of smell. It was strong, for it could smell things easily. It was sensitive, for it was easily pleased or aggravated. She loved the things which brought it pleasure: freshly baked cookies, recently cut roses, and new expensive cars. That which aggravated it she loathed: week old garbage, her brother's feet, and chef's disgusting food.

But there was one thing her nose despised above the rest.

Boys.

Yes, boys. And men too. The whole stinkin' male species actually.

It's wasn't as if she weren't attracted to boys. She liked boys, not girls. But…

Boys just stink.

Okay, sometimes a boy just needed to stink. She got that. Boys just naturally stink more than girls. That, and boys were more inclined to do things that made them stink, sweat, and get dirty. Not that girls didn't play sports or anything, but for heaven's sake at least most girls SHOWERED afterward. It wasn't that hard to do.

Seriously, it's fine if you do something that makes you smell bad. It happens. Just use a bar of soap, and a toothbrush, every once in a while.

This proved true while she was working on the Total Drama Series. The girls never seemed to have problems with their own body odor. Sure, they stank sometimes but they managed to get rid of the smell soon after.

Except for maybe Eva.

But the boys? P.U.

It's not like the boys HAD to smell like girls. Rather, she preferred that they didn't smell like fruit or flowers. But she liked it when a guy smelled clean with a touch of cologne.

It was very manly in her opinion.

The boys, however, did not seem to understand this fact—that they could smell good and still be manly.

Harold had bad breath. Duncan smelled like dirty socks. Tyler always smelled like B.O. with his failed attempts at sports.

Ezekiel smelled like manure. DJ smelled like animals. Geoff smelled like fart.

As for Cody, ironically enough, the mousy boy smelled like cheese. And Owen? Well, he smelled like everything that _could_ smell bad.

At least Trent had heard of cologne. Too bad it was _cheap_ cologne. That and he it used to, unsuccessfully, cover up his B.O. instead of showering like normal people.

Yeah. That's what Trent smelled like. Cheap cologne and B.O.

Yummy.

You would think Justin would smell good, and in some ways he did.

He smelled fruity. _Fruity. _What was he, half chick?

To top it off, from using so many products on himself, he accrued a chemically smell over time.

Even Chris had coffee breath. And Chef smelled like dirt, sweat, and paprika.

Heather shuddered to think of it.

She sighed as she leaned back in her chair finishing off the offending checklist in her mind. She closed her eyes and rubbed her temples, nose twitching at the stench of such memories.

But…what was that?

Heather's eyes flew up as she sat up straight. She sniffed.

_Sniff._

Was that soap she smelled and…a touch of cologne?

Heather sniffed again.

_Sniff._

Yes. Yes it was. And it smelled…invigorating.

"Mmmmm." Heather sighed, relaxing in her chair. She did not want to open her eyes just yet, but rather revel in the pleasure.

"Um…are you okay or did your brain finally leave so it could find someone to use it properly?" a monotone voice asked.

Heather's eyes flew open. It could not be! Not him! She must be hearing wrong!

She turned around. It was him! She must be seeing wrong! How could the little twerp smell so…manly?

The smell must be coming from elsewhere. Heather got up from her chair and walked over to Noah just to prove this fact to herself. To the poor boy's shock and disturbance, she started to sniff him upon her arrival.

Yes, sniff him.

Though he supposed he found it oddly delightful.

Until she lifted up his arm and smelled his pit.

"Okay, I take it that you _have_ lost your mind." He said, pulling away from the eager nose.

Heather simply ignored this comment and stood up straight, considering this new discovery. How had she never noticed what he smelled like before? Her mind raced through her checklist and she realized she never attached Noah to any offending stench. She supposed that made sense considering the boy never did anything to make himself smell bad. On further thought, there always _had_ been a scent of cologne whenever he was around, but she always assumed it wafted from Chris's direction. She must never have noticed how good Noah smelled before because she never really noticed _Noah_ before.

Not in that way, anyway. He was just this dorky, scrawny little nerd. But…

Heather tapped her chin as she observed the disturbed egghead.

He _was_ kinda cute. And smart. She also found his insults humorous and admirable. Now if only…

"Um…earth to evil." Noah said, waving his hand in front of her face. "Come in, evil."

Heather leaned forward and sniffed the air in front of her.

Ah yes! Minty fresh!

"O…kay." Noah said, inching away. But Heather wouldn't let him escape

"So Noah…" Heather said flirtatiously throwing her arm around him. "Are you single?"

Noah was convinced…her brain had departed.

But standing there with her arm around him he found that he didn't mind.

Except…

Noah sniffed, coughed, and covered his nose.

"Brush your teeth, Onion Breath, and then I'll give you my answer." He said, pulling away.

* * *

**Heather's been working too hard on Total Drama. lol**

**Okay, so I don't know whether Noah would smell good or not…but I can't picture him smelling bad at all. LOL. It doesn't hurt that I'm a huge Heather/Noah shipper so it wasn't hard to assign all the boys a stench except Noah. ****Haha. ****And actually, I can kinda see him wearing cologne...possibly. I'm not entirely sure if Trent would stink though.**


End file.
